Beware These Undies

If you are sophisticated like me, you buy your unmentionables at Target. Well, I saw the wedgie free commercials and thought I'd check out the Hanes section. I like boy style briefs because they contain my Rubenesque figure better than, oh say...eye patches. So I picked up a pack of these classily-wrapped-in-cardboard-panties.


I didn't realize that only some of their panties were wedgie free. The rest are, by omission, wedgie prone, I suppose. But seriously, a wedgie would be manageable compared to what does occur when you set sail wearing a pair of these.

Take a gander at the photo below. Look at the main seam...Do I even HAVE to tell you what type of animal's toe this will resemble when the wearer takes three steps? The only seam is along your vertical equator.

I think I'll email Hanes and suggest that they rename them Episiotemy Panties.