I know why Aisle 18 Smells Like Vomit

A few weeks ago Nate and I had an evening grocery shopping trip to Vons. It was after dark and the wind had picked up and rain was sure to follow. But I really needed groceries so we had to do it.

It was an uneventful trip to begin with. We found the best peaches and talked about Waffles and "Wook". Then, on the very last aisle, next to the preshredded cheese and a store manager stocking hotdogs, Nate emitted a loud growl of a burp from deep within. I patted him on the back saying, "That was a big burp buddy. You're okay." But I knew that it wasn't just a burp.

I pushed the cart a few more steps and paused, excited by the sale price on a pound of cheddar. And then...it happened. The sound returned, but this time it just as visible as it was audible. I quickly cupped my hands and caught Nate's brown mucousy vomit. He wretched a few times and I just stood there, frozen. Some was on his wool coat, some was on the Cherry Garcia in our cart and the floor had a sprinkling of Nate gravy as well. But most of it...was jiggling in my cupped hands.

Fortunately, the man stocking the hotdogs had seen it all before and wasn't even phased. Even more fortunately, we were the only ones in the aisle. He said, "Okay, I'll be right back. Nice catch by the way." He quickly returned with a roll of paper towels and left to get a box boy. I started cleaning up and he returned again with a woman in her 40s. This made me feel worse. I wouldn't mind if a 17 year old kid held a plastic bag open for me while I tossed paper towels inside. But something felt wrong in this chain of command and her facial expression agreed with me.

At this same time, a mother with two teenage daughters (and I couldn't tell if the girls were humans or dancers) walked up the aisle. They stared and semi-whispered,"What happened?" I knew it looked like Nate had a diaper explosion of loose stools, so I explained that he threw up. The mom gave me an understanding smile and the girls silently reassured themselves that this would never happen to them.

I went straight to the checkout and explained to the cashier that there were a few items I would have to scan myself. Then, the grocery bagger appears, and alas, it is the same lady who had to hold the plastic bag open for me. I stand on my tip toes and reach over to scan a few slimy items while the cashier uses three pumps of sanitizer on his hands. He then hands me the receipt from as far away as possible and I walk out of the store, grateful that I wasn't at Wal-Mart.


And I later found out that Charles had given Nate a mint chip ice cream sandwich earlier. Hence, the color and texture of the episode.